Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ladies don't puke and tell
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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