I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
