She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
