Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
this is an emotional support booty call
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
