so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
