that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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