Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
