Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
