who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
