we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
