those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
