Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
