Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
