I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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