I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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