Having a random hookup so left but love u
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
