If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
