Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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