drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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