Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
