It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
