I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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