can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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