I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
