why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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