Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
