i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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