I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
