laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
