Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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