We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
