oh god the rape fog is back!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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