btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
