From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
