when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
