I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
