Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
