Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
