he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
