I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
