We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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