Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
