Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
