Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
