I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
