They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
