thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This is classic penis vs brain.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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