what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
