my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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