Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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